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Abraham Lincoln Jokes

Abraham Lincoln made many humorous quotes and jokes in his lifetime:

  • It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.
  • When I hear a man preach, I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
  • If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
  • Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.
  • Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.
  • Whatever you are, be a good one.
  • He can compress the most words into the smallest ideas better than any man I ever met.
  • When you have got an elephant by the hind leg, and he is trying to run away, its best to let him run.
  • You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time.
  • Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.
  • If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.
  • Labour is prior to, and independent of capital. Capital is only the fruit of labour, and could never have existed if labour had not first existed. Labour is the superior of capital, and deserves much the higher consideration.
  • No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
  • The man who murdered his parents, then pleaded for mercy on the grounds that he was an orphan.
  • Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle.